V: BOUNDARIES AND SELF-CARE
Maintaining our personal boundaries are how we self-care. Our boundaries are a metaphor for our aura, the energetic immune system that keeps us functional, comfortable, and operating in the “black” so we can shine our light for others.
However, when these energetic boundaries are functioning on settings that were dialed-down during childhood for reasons of survival, like not expressing our needs, calling out bad behavior, speaking our truth, etc., we are un-consciously sending signals and responding in ways that attract that same abusive behaviors from those around us.
Our aura, is an oval shaped energetic sheath that encompasses our entire body. This boundary, when functional, is managed from the crown chakra at the top of our heads. It is where our “knowing” or conscious awareness resides and it also projects a signal or beacon of how we want to be seen – much like a scent or signature.
If our settings are not updated as we evolve past these early dysfunctional situations, we leave the old sign over the door, drawing more of the same unwanted behaviors from others. Instead of guarding the borders of our boundaries from our crown, where our authority could assure safety, we remain ineffectively stuck in reaction mode. This is because we are unconsciously trying to defend ourselves, rather, from within the lower emotional chakra centers where we are engulfed in emotional discomfort and fear.
The distorting limitations and perceptions of our early programming is much like the example of an elephant chained in its infancy, who grows to such strength as an adult to easily break that chain, but who will never attempt it because of the un-examined and un-tested foundation of its initial reasoning.
Another element we must consider is that like a computer, human programing has a similar fail-safe deleting protocol. There is a secondary program put in place (in our crown chakra) to test the resolve of your choice to delete the outmoded program!
Listed below are some of the programs that can compromise our boundaries:
Invalidation, diminished esteem, physical and mental abuse, punishment, neglect, abandonment, over-nurturing, co-dependence, needs or expectations of others over our own needs, sexual mores and identity, racism, judgments, trauma, loss, silence, fear of communication, death, divorce, fault, blame, guilt, depression, success, failure, worry, fear, trust, health, money, lack, cultural, religious, political, educational, science vs. spirituality, perfection, performance standards in music, art, performance, writing, imagination vs facts, programs to keep from shining our light, being confident, laughing, being yourself, acceptance, rejection, beauty,….to name a few.
If or when we reach a point in our life where we can no longer ignore these precarious settings of our boundaries or the crisis situations they create, we can, in meditation inquire where they are set and adjust them to an appropriate level. With meditative inquiry, we can trace the feeling to the appropriate dial. Then, by doing the work of affirmations, asking for guidance, and actually de-program these old settings, all in partnership with our light-working coach- the Higher-self we can effectively grow out of our essentially defense-less childhood persona by building new boundaries with awareness and certainty.
The Higher-self is our true Source and Self, and like a perfect Parent and Partner can show us by truth and self-love how to face and repair these ineffective boundaries. Whenever we bring the painful breaches of our well-being to Awareness during mediation, we can first, identify the feeling and examine where it entered and what caused it. Dealing with one issue at a time, we can tackle the program by asking for help and healing from our Higher-self. Inspiring insights and realizations will begin to come to mind. This is how the Higher-self answers us. Answers are conveyed by our diaphragm breathing because ‘power-breathing’ grounds the Higher-self’s response through its presence into your body.
Once you can identify the problem and locate the feeling, we can energetically deprogram these settings and their fail-safe backup programs. But before engaging in this form of visualized-meditation which is at the end of this article, I think it is essential to understand the mechanics of maintaining our boundaries and the way to establish self-worth. To do this we learn to establish each from the crown-chakra, where our knowing resides, our connection with who we really are.
When we form an awareness by forging a path from mind to Soul, and develop a loving partnership with our immortal aspect (our Higher-self) we gain clarity of who we really are – not a child, not a broken shell, not a victim, but a mortal mind/body who has partially dis-connected from its Source. Choosing to re-connect to our Higher-self or Source by daily meditation will lead us to self-heal, grow confident in our actual Divinity and eventually assume the posturing of our larger persona and effectively protect it with a boundary. No longer assuming the posture of a frightened un-informed child, you can begin to expand with practice to be connected to your enlightened heart centered Self. This is important because until you re-establish your power, you cannot be an effective light of Love for others. If you take the time to really heal and remove the clouds that block your sun, the warmth of your light will return and be life-giving to all you encounter.
So how was this dis-connection from our Divinity formed and how is the un-examined misperception of our self-worth being sustained? When over-powered as a child through various degrees of unconscious behavior or even abuse, we mistakenly believe the PROJECTIONS of the caregivers, siblings, teachers, relatives, etc., (who were ironically victimized by others themselves) who may have intimidated us as children.
Projections are a very convincing delivery system, usually coupled with anger, ridicule, sarcasm, blame, shame, etc. and are believable to someone unprepared to ‘consider the source’ and their Source. What is being projected from abusive people is the toxic energy from their own abuse. Whether these projections are onto an innocent child or that child grown to maturity, they are not TRUTH. Not the truth of who you are -your Higher-self – an immortal individualized “ember” of Source itself.
If you can identify with who you really are and wield that from your knowing you will not allow a breach of that boundary – and how you do that is knowing with certainty from your crown chakra that – ANY PROJECTION THAT IS NOT LOVING – IS FALSE. This is the key. What you know to be a powerfully delivered falsehood is just a projection of the deliverer’s own feelings of themselves. From there, it is for you to not allow that toxic message into your inner boundaries, for if you believe it in any way, you will suffer the breach. In truth, un-like passing a hot potato, people who project their misery onto others, never diminish their own pain and suffering.
Once we are clear on the nature of projections, we are eligible to assume the protector role of our own boundaries. Having the resolve to be tested multiple times is required for our newly laid boundaries to solidify. The more we work with the Higher-self in meditation the more we will start feeling into its Parental Awareness and Authority to protect our physical, mental and emotional well-being. How we can pull this off is with clearly understood standards of what is loving and what is not loving behaviors from others and to walk away when abuse is happening. This includes refusing to accept the toxins of other’s unloving statements or behavior, believing their accusations have any validity or hold any truth about you.
Certainty is the quality of our Soul’s awareness. In accordance with the Universal Law that the Soul has to respond when we ask anything of It, we can be certain that our requests are always answered. This certainty, while a tall order, given our free will to doubt, is how we wield change. We begin by making changes at the old sign-posts of our childhood boundaries. Here, armed with the certainty that we are now connected to our larger aspect- Divine Love we are worthy to extend a more expansive comfort zone- knowing we can trust ourselves to clearly see and enforce our discernment of Truth from falsehood. When we can uphold our boundaries, and ask for healing from Source, our practice will restore our light. From there, we learn to work with others in loving and empowered ways to create new paths to freedom and fulfillment.
We are now expanding and awakening into the empowered realm of Love or the fifth- dimensional earth and are capable of wielding our creator-being abilities, not over the will of others, but in co-operation with them. We all have a right to protect our well-being while honoring the rights of others. Creating a timeline that moves us toward a life of inner fulfillment and well-being is as simple as making choices that support these qualities within us. A metaphor to help understand how we create new timelines is the example of an outgrown relationship-
If we realize we are unhappy in a relationship and we can no longer abide in it, we would start to make choices to move away from that state of unhappiness. We might begin by first talking about it, then moving out, perhaps staying with a friend for a while, then moving to a different town, job, a new relationship, etc. After a year or two, in a completely new and better life, we can look back at that old relationship, knowing that our old partner is still alive and in the same place. We could, in theory, still be there now but because we created a different timeline by making a series of better choices, we no longer live in that world.
This is how we are moving to the timeline of a love-based planet from a world based on power-abuses, self-service and inequality. We can also move to a new timeline in relation to our inner needs, our happiness, and our empowered functioning by making better choices based on the new awareness of who we truly are, and upholding a sanctuary to protect it.
This meditation is a creative visualization that can help move the unseen energy that holds programming in place. If we employ certainty to imagination, we can effectively release these patterns from the past and replace them with this same certainty of who we really are and what we know to be true.
- Lay down, power-breathe, and imagine a cord connecting you to the earth from your tailbone. Next, imagine a situation you would like to heal- such as a breach of your boundary by another person’s words or actions. If the words we allowed in, caused an emotional response, place a representation of that feeling as a specific color and shape (like a charcoal sphere) – outside of your aura or personal boundary (an arms-length away from your body)
- Next, ask your Higher-self to be your cosmic facilitator and engulf the sphere in violet light. From your crown chakra, or top of your head, imagine yourself tossing that same violet light at the sphere with smaller violet spheres, in a clockwise spiral until each sphere vaporizes the area it lands on -until the original charcoal color is fully revealed.
- Then launch the sphere, like a firework and have it explode at a far distance.
- Repeat this entire process with a different color sphere, representing the fail-safe programing holding the first programmed setting in place. After the second sphere has been launched and explodes-
- Ask your Higher-self to fill your entire being up (chakras, physical body, and auric field) with your very own love and light to re-establish your sense of self and source within your boundary with a distinct edge to its boarders.
This meditation is a great back up for removing the underpinnings of programming but is to be followed-up with daily meditation practices that build self-worth by re-connecting to your Source within. If we are to participate in a new world of Love, we must be a source of Light ourselves, capable of sustaining ourselves within and this takes an awakened state of Love in service.